I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day about whether we still invite people to our homes for a meal post-Covid. Or did we even do it pre-Covid? That led me to strike up a conversation at a party later that night with a woman I had never met who was from a different state and is a mental health therapist. We discussed the loneliness epidemic that is ongoing and what the barriers might be that prevent people from reaching out and inviting others in. One thing she suggested was that people might be draining their social battery either at work or with family, thus eliminating the desire to get together with friends. I know that was true when I was working at the high school and talking all day long with kids and staff. My husband and I were on the same page about just wanting to collapse on the couch at the end of the day and shut out the world.

But that doesn’t explain the loneliness epidemic. The therapist I met has clients she counsels virtually from multiple nations around the world and even people from other cultures are reporting being lonely. The thing is, being lonely apparently isn’t enough to nudge us out of our comfort zones. We both described inviting people to our homes only to never have the invitation reciprocated. We determined that it wasn’t having someone cook us a meal that was the important thing; It was having the assurance that they valued the relationship as much as we did. I would happily cook a meal if someone said, “I want to spend time with you but could we do it at your house?”

When we lived on the east coast, hospitality, especially meals in people’s homes, was much more common. That was also thirty years ago, so maybe time has changed things. My friend who currently lives there has observed that even in the church, people have such busy lives that it leaves little time for cultivating friendships over shared meals. It’s also much more common to invite someone to meet at a restaurant or coffee shop than come to your home. My husband and I actually do that most of the time here, even though it’s much more expensive and the food is often not as good as you would get at home. Are we too busy to spend the time cooking and preparing our house for guests? Or are we intimidated by the task of cooking for someone else whose tastes and dietary needs might be challenging? Is there any benefit to visiting in our homes or is a restaurant just as conducive to building relationships?

I do think that it’s worth digging into why connecting feels so hard in the current cultural climate. The Bible talks about the early church going from house to house breaking bread and engaging in fellowship. That’s just Bible-speak for hanging out together over food! If the church is to be a family, maybe we should figure out why we’re avoiding the part that could be the most fun! 

I would love to get some feedback about what your experience has been with hospitality, so I have a few questions to throw out. Please respond in the comments with answers to some or all of them or just your overall thoughts about intentionally spending time with others and how that impacts your life. Just remember: I’m posting this in hopes of sparking some conversation around this topic, not to shame anyone for not inviting people to their homes. Let’s figure out what works and what we might need to tweak in 2024. Maybe we could go counter-culture and start a new trend if we discover what is holding us back!

Here goes:

1. How often do you invite people over for a meal or dessert in your home? 
2. If you have done this, describe the last time you had someone at your table and your reflections on how it affected your relationships.
3. How often are you invited to other people’s homes? 
4. If you have been in someone’s home for a meal, describe how you felt about being invited and what you noticed most about the experience.
5. What stops you from inviting people?
6. What are your thoughts on why this practice of spending time in homes has declined in recent years in America?

I know this is a lot of questions and if you want to focus on answering just one that resonates with you, go for it! I believe we are called to community and relationships, but there is no one right way to do it. I will do another blog post on the responses I get, hopefully shedding light on where our thinking is right now and how to make friendship work in the midst of our daily lives. I know God wants more for us than living in isolation and loneliness. If we’re open to tearing down some walls, we may find unexpected blessings hiding there.